Fellowship

I am continually being surprised by the people who surround me. This past weekend was a very challenging day as a Conference Staffer... A football camp checked in who did not have anything very organized. Really, they didn't know which way was up, and they also were incredibly demanding and ordered us around with an air of entitlement. This was so frustrating to me and after being ordered around all day I just about snapped. The old man leader of the group brought up a communication error (not on our end) very publicly and blamed us for it. This was the last straw for me... They can steal our things, demand golf carts and order us to fix television but to be set up as a ill-prepared team when that was not true, was truly over the line.

I am very fortunate to have such wonderful co-workers. I feel like we have a very honest and caring group this summer to work with. I was talking to Chris about how I really need to work on pride and reacting to other people, like the man from the football camp. He very plainly said that he has the same issue that he struggles with. It was then, very humbly that he brought up CS Lewis. I thought I would share the wise though here:

"I now come to that part of Christian morals where they differ most sharply from all other morals. There is one vice of which no man in the world is free; which every one in the world loathes when he sees it in someone else; and of which hardly any people, except Christians, ever imagine that they are guilty themselves. I have heard people admit that they are bad-tempered, or that they cannot keep their heads about girls or drink, or even that they are cowards. I do not think I have ever heard anyone who was not a Christian accuse himself of this vice. And at the same time I have very seldom met anyone, who was not a Christian, who showed the slightest mercy to it in others. There is no fault which makes a man more unpopular, and no fault which we are more unconscious of in ourselves. And the more we have it ourselves, the more we dislike it in others...In God you come up against something which is in every respect immeasurably superior to yourself. Unless you know God as that - and, therefore, know yourself as nothing in comparison - you do not know God at all. As long as you are proud you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on things and people: and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you." - CS Lewis, Mere Christianity

So thank you Chris for your wisdom and friendship.

Sparrows.

I have been thinking a lot on the topic of freedom. In America we have reduced freedom to a childish "gimme" and a patriotic song. In Christianity we also have reduced freedom to this idea of "believe it in your heart" type of thing. Well, what if you are under the freedom that Christ has gained for us, but you live like you aren't. Stay with me for a moment while I dive into a few examples that have brought this whole thing on...

1. SPARROWS. I was sitting in Whole Foods (Wild Oats for those of us who have an elephant's memory) with a delicious breakfast of yogurt, whole grain roll, oj, and a golden delicious apple. What I ate is really not important, but I thought I would set the stage. I have been having trouble sleeping and feeling a little stir crazy. There were deep charcoal clouds rolling in and a sharp breeze drifting in, that stood in sharp contrast to the previous days climate.

The patio windows were open and a sparrow swooped into dining area. After seeing that no crumbs would be dropped, the tiny bird decided once again she wanted to be free of her surroundings. This is when she swiftly flew strait into a pane in the garage door style windows. You see the sparrow swooped under a half open window and in the process lost sight of that fact. When she was tempted with being lifted in the spirals of cooled air, in haste and passion she made a move.

After watching the sparrow hit the pane several more times, I decided that I did not want this bird to hurt herself any longer. In stead of flying back down, out of the way of the glass she could have left. But her sight was so set on the prize (which was a splendid thing she was built for) that she was repeatedly flying headlong into danger. Long story short, I asked the nice cashier to open the window further, hoping to remove the horrid obstacle which had impeded the little bird.

2. I know a girl, struggling with a thorn in her flesh. I know she desires freedom and yet she will not act upon that. I shall call her Jane for the story's sake. Jane has made this confession (not in a negative sense) of this invisible set of shackles that she wears and yet, she says that she does not want help, or accountability. In fact, I believe she would even ask us to help her in her slavery by ignoring the lengths of chain she wears. I has shackled me to her, by burdening my heart. How do you love someone but ignore their bonds? You can't... The love and knowledge that God has imparted to us impels us to act. So if I am impelled, how do I act?

Freedom, as you can see, is not so black and white. Sometimes we give up our freedom only to decide to return to it but hit a pane of clear glass. Sometimes we acquire a false freedom, not ever realizing the difference. Other times, we long for freedom but simply lack the will to fight for that. I am coming to realize that here in this life, we are never free. The bondage of others chains my heart. I must not act in complete freedom so that others will stumble. This is life, it is a constant flow of freedom and slavery. And so, we work, constantly towards the freedom we find in Christ.

An Interesting Dream

The dream, began at least what I can remember of the dream, in a mountain town. (It was a town that I had been in another dream before). I was walking, alone trying to get back to my group. I remember thinking that we were in Scotland. I kept walking to a pier where I had to walk on floating pieces of wood, much like a tightrope. I got out to the floating island and was talking to some women and a Russian man and my mother. I had an idea that we could stay an extra day so I could visit Edinburgh. The ladies on the island remarked that it would be closer and faster to go to Holland. So we began walking on the water tightropes and I took a shortcut, but realized as I looked back that my mother was sinking and fully submerged. I went in to rescue her (and amazingly she could talk underwater). I asked, “Are you all right?”, and she replied, “I can’t breathe!” So I pulled her up until we surfaced for air.

We surfaced in a school (which I had previously dreamed about) and I left my mother behind. In this part of the dream, I was carrying something like a backpack, and trying to hide. I needed to get to a bathroom and I needed to be alone, but there were people everywhere. So I never got to one. At one part of the dream, I was in part of the school that there was a lot of bullying going on, I was asked who are you and I said, “I’m a blood!” (See CS Lewis’s Surprised By Joy). So I was able to leave. The school was then mixed with a private log home, where I was still looking for a private bathroom. After I found one, I found a friend and she drove us out of the school in a big black SUV.

I am not sure when I was not in the SUV or how I got to where I was next but I had been to this place too. It was a big, gothic basilica type building and I needed to save the world from this ferocious beast (very dragon-like). I had done this in a dream before because it was like playing a video game for the 3^rd time. I knew what to do so I did it super fast. I climbed up the tower, always moving around on a different side (because the dragon was pursuing me). The dragon had razor sharp claws and a hideous face with flaring nostrils. I took this triangle thing out of the tower and stored it in my hoodie pocket. I needed to put it somewhere else in the structure so the dragon would be able to be destroyed. So I did, but it broke as I put it in my pocket. I am not sure if this affected the final outcome….

I called out for someone to bring a sword (much like in the 2^nd Harry Potter) and Christine came out and threw it up to me, but I couldn’t land a fatal blow on the dragon, only 2 blows to the leg. This seemed to do the trick however. A few minutes later, I had come down to the throne room of the building and saw someone evil getting coronated after the dragon lost power, so I killed him but not without getting stabbed in the gut first. And as I lay there dying, becoming weak with every breath, I saw a man transform into a dragon and begin to gloat that I did not win this time because I didn’t finish the job I started to do.